insomnia, anxiety and me

Insomnia, or sleeplessness, is a sleep disorder in which there is an inability to fall asleep or to stay asleep as long as desired.[1][2] While the term is sometimes used to describe a disorder demonstrated by polysomnographic evidence of disturbed sleep, insomnia is often practically defined as a positive response to either of two questions: "Do you experience difficulty sleeping?" or "Do you have difficulty falling or staying asleep?"

That is the question I find myself asking at 12:41 am approximately 3 hours and 41 minutes since I went to bed.. do I have trouble falling asleep or do I have trouble sleeping? Well what the hell is the difference when I can neither fall asleep so essentially I cannot stay asleep if I  can't fall asleep.. I wish I could god knows I need it. With an overactive brain like mine it requires sleep or it just becomes mush.

So what causes my inability to sleep? That is a good question one I cannot answer.
It just sucks hardcore and should seriously bugger off because I need sleep you do not want me in bitch mode!

Anxiety.. well google it there's plenty of definitions.. for me it generally happens when I have an argument with someone or I'm scared of losing them or basically anything can set it off. Sometimes eating the wrong thing or going over my calorie intake can set it off. It's fairly crap but it's definitely not the worst thing that can happen.
It's almost like you have to live with another person. On one hand I am bright and bubbly and fairly social (in my own crowd) and on another I struggle to believe what people say. And I cannot for the life of me trust anyone , and I have touble with making the right friendships and infact generally I just don't make friends  and some days despite having so much to be thankful for I get depressed.

When someone tells you "it's all in your head" it's not it's not as easy to switch off as they say. When someone says "no way dont think like that" you feel awful for thinking that way buy you don't stop thinking that way. and having these issues especially the anxiety and the depression it's nothing to be ashamed of and not something that should be ignored either. and here i am saying all this when i struggle with it myself. The thing is I know where my issues are and i know where they come from what i do to fix it is up to me.