well today (23rd of april) i made my way to the leongatha drs with my beautiful friend just for what i thought would be a general check up. only when we got there i was called in and began my check up sue asked me how i was going and at that point i was feeling great. I could eat and drink and last week i had felt you move for the first time. we decided we would take a look at you only to discover we couldn't find your heart beat, so i got sent up to the hospital for an urgent ultrasound, i knew that moment that you were gone and that there was nothing i could do to get you back, but i put my feelings on hold and put the mask ok, I'm pretty sure my friend saw straight through it, we tried to pass the time by having a cuppa but i just had my mind on that empty feeling i already felt, that hour we waited seriously! the longest hour i've ever had to wait.
So The sonographer call's my name and i hop up on the bed watch the screen turn on and at first it's playing up but finally comes through, I watch and pray and hope that you're little heart is still beating, i see the heart beat page come up and the ticker goes across the screen and i can see that you have no heart beat, no amount of words can beging to explain the instant pain i felt, Like a part of my heart had broken in to pieces and burnt never to be put back again, and that's when we knew you were gone, I am just thankful that my friend was with me, had she have not been there i just don't know what i would have done, my world that was finally perfect fell apart but she was there to hold me up and get me home.
and so began the long and painful journey of giving birth to you,
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